do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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