8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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