she kept yelling 'call me bella'
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
