The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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