I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
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