So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
