Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I didn't notice because vodka
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
