Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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