you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
