im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
He told me they were just razor bumps!
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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