I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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