bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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