Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
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