Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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