I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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