you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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