Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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