I just pynch a tree in the face
It was confusing and full of hummus
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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