I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
