I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
