Cold hands, warm shart.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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