Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
