i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
