if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
