My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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