Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
