one might say we're banned from that church
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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