You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
