Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
