this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I just want nice things and good sex
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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