remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
