I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
pop tarts are not kleenex
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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