as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
