i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
