I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
