PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
