Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
