Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
