I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
