So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
