I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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