When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
