As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
