I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
