I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
