I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
it wasn't lemon gatorade
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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