I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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