i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
