Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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