Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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