Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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