where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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