i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
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