but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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