69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
