the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
