**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
