Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
