I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
birth control should be required to get into college
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
