she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
