with your own penis?
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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