and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize