I wish I could punch you in the face.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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