spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
