"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
