Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
