PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
