Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
