You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
