Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Randomize
