3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I skipped work to stalk him.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You are a booty call, not a friend.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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