Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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