From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize