Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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