i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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