well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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