I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
