i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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