Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
my phone needs a breathalizer
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
