Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
