Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
