I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
