your room smells of hookers.
And success
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
