Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
The air was thick with penises
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
