I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
