The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
