if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
You just made me feel so damn special
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
