I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
