From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
so let's talk penis.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
