Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I cockslap morals
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
