This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
false alarm, still single
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
