im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
