May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
