Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
