I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
