I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
