Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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