New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
