home. puking in laundry basket.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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