tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Randomize
