My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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