I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
oh god was she eating orange peels again
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
