I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
