six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
