then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
